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Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts

Sunday, May 2, 2010

The Death Of Trust

Is it just me? Or does anyone else see that people are no longer as trusting as they used to be?

I know I am someone who does not trust people easily. Perhaps that makes me hard to trust as well, but thats something I will have to sort out myself...

The thing is, society has hammered a default setting of mis/dis trust into us. We worry about what that stranger who smiled at us in the street might have been thinking. We always try to find a motive behind the actions of pretty much everyone we come into contact with.

But rather than the examples of mistrust between people, I want to talk about why the mistrust is born; about how and why that default setting of mis/dis trust gets hard wired into us, and about how current trends in society will only perpetuate this trend.

That hard wired mistrust can come from various sources:

Childhood traumas? Betrayal by a relative friend or business associate? Unfaithful or gold-digging husband/wife/lover? Things of that nature...

These examples are outside our control and can hit us hard. People often are unable to ever fully recover from these sorts of things, and thats only natural.

But the common thread of those betrayals is that even con-men and gold-diggers are working for personal gain AND the personal gain (to them) is a direct result of the betrayal that they are perpetrating. This fact at some level makes their actions understandable or logical or justifiable (or some weird amalgam of those three words).

But get this! Here is a new and scary assault on the concept of trust between the common man.

They call it stealth marketing...

According to Wikipedia: Undercover marketing (also known as buzz marketing, stealth marketing, or by its detractors roach baiting) is a subset of guerrilla marketing where consumers do not realize they are being marketed to. For example, a marketing company might pay an actor or socially adept person to use a certain product visibly and convincingly in locations where target consumers congregate. While there, the actor will also talk up their product to people they befriend in that location, even handing out samples if it is economically feasible. The actor will often be able to sell consumers on their product without those consumers even realizing that they are being marketed to.

So... Yeah... The most recent example of Stealth marketing that was uncovered in the USA involved the Blackberry cellphone. The mobile makers hired an undercover marketing agency which hired pretty young women to hang out in bars and such like to flirt with men. These women would then invite these men to enter their phone numbers in their cellphones (which would all be the Blackberry Perl). The objective was to get the 'marks' to hold the cellphone and try to use it. They would promise to call back, make small talk and then leave. Never to be heard from again.

This is one example of the betrayal of trust, and while it is for personal gain, the gain does not come from the act of betrayal. The gain comes from somewhere else. The act of betrayal is being turned into a job... a real... legal... job... Perhaps 'betrayal' might be too strong a word, but you get my meaning. It is an example of a breach of trust.

I think that it is a worrying precedent. Ethics of this kind of marketing aside, it presents us with a troubling moral dilemma. What kind of world will we leave our children when people can hold jobs where they are paid to lie to others? Where the act of lying becomes akin to someone assembling a machine on an assembly line, a programmer writing a line of code?

I wonder... What are those men who gave their phone numbers to those women be feeling right now? How will they feel the next time a woman flirts with them? What will any guy who has read that story feel when they flirt with a girl and she whips out a Blackberry Perl?

Will they feel pleased? Or will they feel that twinge of suspicion, mistrust... fear or disgust even?

I for one would perhaps feel less distrustful if that girl had been flirting with me just for her amusement who may think of me as a nerd.

But the thought of being 'worked over' by a professional who is not even getting something directly form the act of betrayal, for whom it is merely a job; that appalls me, disgusts me, worries me. I know that I will feel that twinge of suspicion... of mistrust... whenever I see a pretty girl holding a Blackberry Perl. (Hey that rhymes!)

Monday, March 29, 2010

The Journey towards Happiness

I was thinking about these questions today... and these are question's I think about often... What is happiness? Am I really happy?

I have a strangely morose face... people often tell me I should look happier.... smile more etc...

I sometimes wonder... am I really unhappy? Do I look that dejected in life?

Lately I had been feeling depressed... I will admit... job scene bleak... my choice of major now seeming like a mistake made due to my whims... perhaps just a choice made to protect my pride? I was hearing about people getting jobs and moving on while I was still in School and struggling with my thesis... I was unhappy... yes... or to be precise... I FELT unhappy...

There are many things which I would like to be different about my life... I would like to have a job, I would like to have a car, I would like to have more opportunities to spend time with my friends and family, I would like my family to be happy... because these are some things which I feel are integral to my happiness which either I currently don't have enough of... or just dont have... I often find myself feeling envious of people who have such things...

But still... am I really unhappy? I would like to think not... no worries about health so far... the wealth aspect has taken a little beating though... LoL... I dont have many friends... but the ones I do have are the kind I can rely on in a pinch... I am doing what I love... studying about aircraft... something I have dreamed about ever since I can remember... so... I have every reason to be happy... why did I still feel doubt?

Then I realized something... I was rating my happiness on the scale of other people... I was letting other people tell me whether I was happy or not... this is not to say that I still dont want those things... or that they would not contribute to my happiness... just that I should be using a different yardstick to measure them... that is.... my own...

I realized that people were looking at me and evaluating my happiness by using their own measure or concept of what happiness means... this is a fundamentally flawed approach... because... while happiness as an emotion is the same for everyone, the actions that make a person happy... are different for everyone... not only that... but different people express happiness differently...

So I can confidently say I am happy... even though I might not always look like it...

Let me propose something here.... something I have come to believe strongly... even though it is a recent revelation...

I propose that every single course of action we take in our life... even something as mundane as brushing our teeth in the morning... are all geared towards attaining some goal... and the achievement of this goal is something which (in some shape or form) will somehow contribute to our happiness...

The thing which I have realized while struggling with these questions is that often times... the things that give me the most happiness are not even the goals I am working towards... its the journey... the collection of all the little actions that I have taken in order to attain a goal... which give me most happiness... or satisfaction...

The thing is... as we grow older... our thinking starts to change... our mindsets are constantly being programmed with all the cares and worries of the world and all the pressures of being an adult. We start to believe that if we fail to achieve the goal... the entire time spent on trying to achieve that goal was meaningless... a waste of time... something to feel bad about... a cause for unhappiness...

A crude example: Kids playing a soccer game... they all want to win of course... but at the end of the game... you will find that mostly all of them have a smile on their faces... win or lose... they mostly all had a blast.... just playing the game was so much fun... it didnt matter that they won or lost... they all walked away knowing they did their bloody best...

Now lets look at adolescents/adults... lets say they are on a bus going on a trip... all are expecting to enjoy the trip a lot of course... but the bus breaks down on the way... and they had to walk like XYZ km on foot... all of them will crib about it right? Oh our trip is ruined... we will be too tired to do anything once we get there etc etc... they will be so focused on cribbing about how tired the walk to the hotel or wherever is going to make them... that they take no enjoyment in the journey... they will forget the fun moments they had shared when the bus was still rolling along... they often consider all of that to be a waste...

The point of that mess above was this... I have realized that the process of getting to a goal often provided me with more enjoyment than the achievement of the goal... and many times overrides the disappointment of failure... because somewhere along the way... I stopped caring about what would happen once I got to my goal... and just concentrated on doing my best to getting there...

I think I have my answer now... I will always be happy... it is actually impossible for me... or any other person to be unhappy.... unless we decide to fall into the trap of a negative outcome focused mindset... because happiness is something which we naturally tend towards...

People will say that I am being idealistic here... that the real world does not work that way... that I cant simply stop worrying about outcomes and stop setting targets... to them I say.... I am not against the concept of making plans and setting targets for things you want... what I am saying is that we should try to make up a goal... and then devote all our power and energy towards attaining it... we should consider the journey to be something of value in and of itself... and not just think of the goal as the only thing of value... if we do that... if we are able to avoid falling into the trap of caring too much about the outcome and not enough about the journey... I think we will all do just fine... we will all be happy...

"A traveler who values the journey will always have a more fruitful trip than one who values only the destination."




Friday, February 26, 2010

A Handful of Sand


She was standing in front of me… smiling… cheerful… full of life… as beautiful as ever…

Then… she frowned…

“What’s the matter? You look like you haven’t seen me in years…”

I snapped out of my reverie...

“It’s… nothing… I’m… just a little disoriented…”

“You haven’t been drinking again have you?”

She was giving me that admonishing look… It was the same…. Just as adorable…

I wanted to hug her tightly… but somehow… I was unable to move… I replied…

“No… I haven’t…”

She smiled… I felt like I had been enveloped in a mist of gentle warmth...

“Good! Drinking is bad for health!”

She turned away from me… looking towards the sea…

“So… how are things?”

“As well as they could be…”

“I see”

She sat down on the soft dry sand… then held out her hand… inviting me to join her…

Hesitatingly… I moved up beside her… and sat down… my hand clasping hers… It was warm and comforting… just like always…

We watched the waves for a while… in silence… the stars were shining overhead… and a cool breeze was blowing… The scene in front of us was so beautiful… it seemed that talking would somehow be disrespectful…

I stole a glance at her again… the breeze was picking up strands of her long black hair so that they billowed out behind her… her lips glistened in the moonlight… I fought the urge to hold her…

Suddenly… she spoke…

“Do you know why I came to see you?”

I was afraid… I didn’t want to know the answer…

“No”

She gave me another adorable admonishing look…

“Liar”

She was right… I knew… I couldn’t meet her eyes… I didn’t dare… they could always see right through me… to the core of my being…

She started to speak again…

“This is the place where we first met…. Isn’t it?

“Yes.”

“I remember you called me “strange” that time…”

I must have blushed… because she laughed… just like always…

“You’re blushing!”

“It’s because you brought up that old memory…”

She was still laughing… I couldn’t take it anymore… I grabbed her shoulders… I was about to pull her into an embrace… Then… I saw her face…

She was actually crying…

I struggled to find the words to ask her what the matter was… but… when I tried to speak… my lips refused to move…

She had already wiped her tears… she looked into my eyes and gave me a watery smile…

“It’s okay…”

I wanted to scream “It’s not okay!” but it was as if my power of speech had been sealed…

The sky was starting to lighten… she continued…

“I need to go now…”

In my mind… I was screaming with all my heart…begging… pleading…“No!!… Don’t go!!… Not… again…”

I was paralyzed… she drew away from me… and I could do nothing but watch…

As she slipped from my grasp…. I was released from the spell… I lunged forward and grabbed her wrist…

She struggled…. Straining away from me…

“Don’t go… please…” I pleaded…

She stopped struggling… but did not turn to face me…

“I must…”

I moved closer…

“I won’t let you go…. Not this time…”

She turned… tears welled up in those beautiful black eyes…

“I wish I had listened to you on that day…”

The memory flooded back into my mind…

4 years ago… at this very spot… she had smiled and said…

“Its only for a month… I will be back before you know it… and after all… we have our whole lives ahead of us…. Right?”

But she never returned to me… she was taken from me… by a cruel trick of fate…

I banished the memories from my mind…

“Then listen to me now…”

Another watery smile…

“You know I can’t…”

The sun had started to rise… she gently pulled her hand free….

It was happening again…. I fell into an all too familiar pit of despair… I grabbed her wrist again… tighter this time…

“No…. no…. this can’t be happening….. you can’t be leaving me again!!” I yelled…

I was losing all control…. Then… I felt her hand on my cheek…

“It’s okay… you will be okay…”

She moved closer and hugged me… I buried my head in her chest and wept…

She gently eased my head off her chest and looked into my eyes…

“You will be fine… I know it…

“How?”

She smiled… really smiled… more radiant than the rising sun…

“…because you promised me…”

I wept… she stroked my head… just like she used to… when she wanted me to do something…

“I want you to promise me…”

I whispered…

“Anything you want… Anything…”

She leaned forward and kissed me…

“Promise me…That you’ll take good care of her… like you did for me…”

I whispered

“I promise…”

and then she vanished….

I fell to my knees… I was left there… holding a handful of sand…

The harder I tried to hold onto it… the faster it slipped from between my fingers...

I felt something in my fist… I opened it… and saw the bracelet I had given her the last time we had met…

I closed my eyes and clutched it to my chest…

When I opened them… I was back in my bed… the bracelet was gone… and my pillow was wet…

A figure stirred next to me…

Kris…

I stroked her brown hair… she smiled… and opened her eyes…

Never again…

That feeling of desperately trying to hold onto something precious… only to have it slip away… like a handful of sand….

I never want to feel that again…

She hugged me and said….

“Its okay…”

END


P.S. After I wrote that story... I made up another ending... one where the woman with the bracelet had somehow ended up with someone else... and that "we" were still very much in love... but she made "me" choose Kris... then I made one where "I" managed to convince her to elope with "me"... but I figured... It would be best to go with the very first one... those of you who know me would probably understand why....