A Handful of Sand

She was standing in front of me… smiling… cheerful… full of life… as beautiful as ever…

Then… she frowned…

“What’s the matter? You look like you haven’t seen me in years…”

I snapped out of my reverie...

“It’s… nothing… I’m… just a little disoriented…”

“You haven’t been drinking again have you?”

She was giving me that admonishing look… It was the same…. Just as adorable…

I wanted to hug her tightly… but somehow… I was unable to move… I replied…

“No… I haven’t…”

She smiled… I felt like I had been enveloped in a mist of gentle warmth...

“Good! Drinking is bad for health!”

She turned away from me… looking towards the sea…

“So… how are things?”

“As well as they could be…”

“I see”

She sat down on the soft dry sand… then held out her hand… inviting me to join her…

Hesitatingly… I moved up beside her… and sat down… my hand clasping hers… It was warm and comforting… just like always…

We watched the waves for a while… in silence… the stars were shining overhead… and a cool breeze was blowing… The scene in front of us was so beautiful… it seemed that talking would somehow be disrespectful…

I stole a glance at her again… the breeze was picking up strands of her long black hair so that they billowed out behind her… her lips glistened in the moonlight… I fought the urge to hold her…

Suddenly… she spoke…

“Do you know why I came to see you?”

I was afraid… I didn’t want to know the answer…

“No”

She gave me another adorable admonishing look…

“Liar”

She was right… I knew… I couldn’t meet her eyes… I didn’t dare… they could always see right through me… to the core of my being…

She started to speak again…

“This is the place where we first met…. Isn’t it?

“Yes.”

“I remember you called me “strange” that time…”

I must have blushed… because she laughed… just like always…

“You’re blushing!”

“It’s because you brought up that old memory…”

She was still laughing… I couldn’t take it anymore… I grabbed her shoulders… I was about to pull her into an embrace… Then… I saw her face…

She was actually crying…

I struggled to find the words to ask her what the matter was… but… when I tried to speak… my lips refused to move…

She had already wiped her tears… she looked into my eyes and gave me a watery smile…

“It’s okay…”

I wanted to scream “It’s not okay!” but it was as if my power of speech had been sealed…

The sky was starting to lighten… she continued…

“I need to go now…”

In my mind… I was screaming with all my heart…begging… pleading…“No!!… Don’t go!!… Not… again…”

I was paralyzed… she drew away from me… and I could do nothing but watch…

As she slipped from my grasp…. I was released from the spell… I lunged forward and grabbed her wrist…

She struggled…. Straining away from me…

“Don’t go… please…” I pleaded…

She stopped struggling… but did not turn to face me…

“I must…”

I moved closer…

“I won’t let you go…. Not this time…”

She turned… tears welled up in those beautiful black eyes…

“I wish I had listened to you on that day…”

The memory flooded back into my mind…

4 years ago… at this very spot… she had smiled and said…

“Its only for a month… I will be back before you know it… and after all… we have our whole lives ahead of us…. Right?”

But she never returned to me… she was taken from me… by a cruel trick of fate…

I banished the memories from my mind…

“Then listen to me now…”

Another watery smile…

“You know I can’t…”

The sun had started to rise… she gently pulled her hand free….

It was happening again…. I fell into an all too familiar pit of despair… I grabbed her wrist again… tighter this time…

“No…. no…. this can’t be happening….. you can’t be leaving me again!!” I yelled…

I was losing all control…. Then… I felt her hand on my cheek…

“It’s okay… you will be okay…”

She moved closer and hugged me… I buried my head in her chest and wept…

She gently eased my head off her chest and looked into my eyes…

“You will be fine… I know it…

“How?”

She smiled… really smiled… more radiant than the rising sun…

“…because you promised me…”

I wept… she stroked my head… just like she used to… when she wanted me to do something…

“I want you to promise me…”

I whispered…

“Anything you want… Anything…”

She leaned forward and kissed me…

“Promise me…That you’ll take good care of her… like you did for me…”

I whispered

“I promise…”

and then she vanished….

I fell to my knees… I was left there… holding a handful of sand…

The harder I tried to hold onto it… the faster it slipped from between my fingers...

I felt something in my fist… I opened it… and saw the bracelet I had given her the last time we had met…

I closed my eyes and clutched it to my chest…

When I opened them… I was back in my bed… the bracelet was gone… and my pillow was wet…

A figure stirred next to me…

Kris…

I stroked her brown hair… she smiled… and opened her eyes…

Never again…

That feeling of desperately trying to hold onto something precious… only to have it slip away… like a handful of sand….

I never want to feel that again…

She hugged me and said….

“Its okay…”

END

P.S. After I wrote that story... I made up another ending... one where the woman with the bracelet had somehow ended up with someone else... and that "we" were still very much in love... but she made "me" choose Kris... then I made one where "I" managed to convince her to elope with "me"... but I figured... It would be best to go with the very first one... those of you who know me would probably understand why....

The Fool

You are a fool... why do you even try?
Because I have hope...
Hope is a terrible thing... a dangerous thing... it can drive people insane...
Stop messing up the quotes from the Shawshank Redemption will ya?
Listen to me... you are a fool for hoping things will change....
So you are saying I must choose between being a smart cynic... or a foolish romantic?
Indeed...
Not much of a choice then is it?
Nope...
I prefer to be the romantic... as hopeless as my cause might be...
Then may you rot in this dump for the rest of your life...
Tell me... why are you so bitter?
Its not like it matters to me... but I feel bad when I see your efforts go to waste...
Such as?
When you try get people to clean up their act.... you get reprimanded for not minding your own business...
and?
Even when you try to tell others whats right and wrong... to make it so that the line between right and wrong is not as blurred anymore.... you get shot down...
You think that is enough to discourage me?
It isnt?
Of course not... I have allies here you see... ones who understand how I feel... however few there might be... and however disillusioned they might be...
So you will stay here then?
Yeah... but that does not mean I will limit myself to this place... I wont let you get lonely....
Ba..baka!... As if I care about that....
Youre cute when you act like that you know...
And you are still a fool...
I dont mind that... as long as I have you to worry about me...
You really are the biggest fool I know...
I sure hope so... cause I know you have a soft spot for fools like me...
I just want you to promise me one thing... no... two things...
What?
Dont push yourself too far....
and?
Dont you dare give up....
Kinda contradictory dont you think?
I guess I am a fool too....
Heh... you know what this reminds me of?
No...
A movie I saw once long ago...
How did it end?
Happily... The hero defeated his opponents and lived happily ever after with his lover...
Is that so?
Well... I guess the people who made that movie were all hopeless romantics like me...
I guess...
So... what kind of ending do you see in store for us?
Do you need to ask?
Yes...
A happy one...
... and thats all the encouragement I needed...
They embrace... and he walks away... she watches him... a single tear rolls down her face...
You really are the biggest fool...
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Another blog post I made elsewhere... and this one is again targeting the mods... yeah... I am anti establishment...

The Road to Hell…

As I watch the city empty itself…. Its inhabitants gathering up their goods and belongings… and boarding up their homes… I wonder… How did this come to pass? What is the reason for so many people to want to leave this beautiful place? It appears to be so pure and clean…. So… orderly….

I tap the shoulder of one such inhabitant… and ask… Tell me brother…. Why do you wish to leave this place? Isn’t it beautiful? Is there some tension between different sects?

The inhabitant sadly shakes his head…It is nothing of the sort my friend… we are all brothers and sisters here… no one hates another for such trivial reasons… but the fact is… we all fear for our lives…

I ask… Fear for your lives? In such an idyllic place?

The inhabitant replies… Things used to be different in the past… I am afraid this is a long story…

I reply… I have nothing but time…

The inhabitant sits down and begins his tale…

In the past… this city was not so beautiful…. People would often fight and say rude things… there was disorder in many places…. But even so… the people would still live happily and harmoniously together… it might seem odd… but we enjoyed the little bouts of rough-housing… we were obviously punished for our misdeeds… and we learned our lessons… even if those lessons had to be refreshed every so often…

But then…. things changed… times were dark… the old city was annihilated… and in its place… this beautiful new city rose from the ruins… built by the Emperor… The inhabitants were very pleased with their new homes and could not wait to return to life as usual…. But the Emperor wanted this city to be better in very way… and so he instituted a new set of rules and drafted a large army of enforcers…

The rules were written with good intentions… indeed many of the citizens are in complete agreement with the rules… however… the Emperor failed to give as much thought to the method of punishment for those breaking the rules… in order to nullify the bad elements…. He chose a seemingly simple method…. Death...

I ask… Death? For what kinds of crimes??

The inhabitant wearily replies…. ANY crime… EVERY crime… big or small… intentional or not… every day we are traversing a minefield…. Waiting for someone to trip…. Hoping it is not us… but that is not an existence which anyone cares for…. And so…. You see…. after losing so many friends...

I reply… Yes… I see…

The inhabitant points to a man who has suddenly jumped up onto a rooftop… Then there are people like him… who decide to go out in a blaze of glory…

The strange man starts gesticulating and talking loudly… saying some obscene things…. People around him are staring…. They all seem suddenly afraid… but there is also a hint of admiration in their gaze… and then… all of a sudden… a hooded figure descends on the man and a flash of light illuminates the rooftop.... the strange man smiles triumphantly... even as he starts to disintegrate into dust…

Inhabitant… while I do not agree with his methods… I understand his frustration… and that is why I must take my leave now my friend…

I ask… where are you going?

Inhabitant… in search of a new home… one where we wont have to live in fear of Death for every little mistake we make…

I reply…. Fare thee well my friend…

Inhabitant…. What of you?

I reply… I will stay here…. For as long as I am able… for as long as there are still people here I can call friends… I will stay with them for as long as I can…. and perhaps guide those who wish to leave... so that they may find a haven more suited to their tastes… in this way... I hope to honor the memories of the lost ones....

Inhabitant… Then… farewell...

As he proceeds to depart… hefting a large backpack…. He suddenly turns and calls after me…

Inhabitant… I just remembered something… its something I read somewhere…. It perfectly describes what our fair city is going through…

I ask… What is it?

Inhabitant… “The road to hell is paved with good intentions”

I look at him as he doffs his hat and resumes walking...

Yeah… sounds about right… but things may yet change… I have hope… even if its very little…. Its still there…

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Another blog post I made elsewhere.... and again aimed at the tyrannical moderators... this one also seems to do pretty well out of context...

Lament

I wander this desolate wasteland alone... one by one… my comrades are taken from me... for trivial reasons they fall by the wayside.... what is their crime? I ask... Only to hear a forlorn echo... TTTTOOOOSSSS..... the wind makes an odd sound rustling though the deserted playground....

Even my memories of the fun times of old are fading.... the landmarks brutally torn down.... the graffiti containing the feelings of the dearly departed being painted over…. by unfeeling and uncaring hands… I grow weary of this place.... it is not because of the people who speak in different tongues... I would definitely grow to like them given enough time... but the fear of losing another friend... especially a new friend... is just too much to bear.... the reason I must part ways with this place is because.... as things stand now.... I cannot be free... I cannot spread my wings and fly.... the concept of freedom seems to be alien in this supposed utopia... and life is far too fragile and easily taken away....

I wish I could turn back the hands of time and bring back the old days.... when our world was smaller… but we still had our freedom…. When there were problems…. But there were amicable solutions…. Where we could pray to the god... And expect some consideration…. This new world… this UTOPIA…. And its gods… assuming they are gods… and this IS a utopia… offer us no such consideration…. They smite those who only bend the most trivial of their tenets even with no ill intent in their hearts… but somehow allow vagrants and litterbugs to roam free even as they tarnish this ‘utopia’ with the rubbish that they constantly spew….

Alas… I neither have the authority to challenge the gods…. Nor the power to turn back time… but I do have one thing… and that is… my dignity… and I will never allow that to be taken from me… you will have to pry it from my cold dead hands… and in doing so… you will only prove that I was right… that this is not a Utopia…. This is purgatory… that you are not gods…. because Satan’s greatest trick… was convincing people he did not exist….

That said… I cannot leave this place just yet… there are those I must guide to other worlds here…. Those who do not know that other worlds even exist… that freedom still exists in those places… that their voices will be heard… even if the audience is smaller…. but the sincerity of the responses will be greater… and so I wait…. For those poor lost souls to come to me…. And I will continue to wait… until I am struck down as well… for that is the only way to honor my fallen comrades…

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A post from my blog in a different community... This here was a creative effort on my part aimed at the moderators and the TOS of said web community... but I think it does pretty well for itself... even out of context...