A Handful of Sand

She was standing in front of me… smiling… cheerful… full of life… as beautiful as ever…

Then… she frowned…

“What’s the matter? You look like you haven’t seen me in years…”

I snapped out of my reverie...

“It’s… nothing… I’m… just a little disoriented…”

“You haven’t been drinking again have you?”

She was giving me that admonishing look… It was the same…. Just as adorable…

I wanted to hug her tightly… but somehow… I was unable to move… I replied…

“No… I haven’t…”

She smiled… I felt like I had been enveloped in a mist of gentle warmth...

“Good! Drinking is bad for health!”

She turned away from me… looking towards the sea…

“So… how are things?”

“As well as they could be…”

“I see”

She sat down on the soft dry sand… then held out her hand… inviting me to join her…

Hesitatingly… I moved up beside her… and sat down… my hand clasping hers… It was warm and comforting… just like always…

We watched the waves for a while… in silence… the stars were shining overhead… and a cool breeze was blowing… The scene in front of us was so beautiful… it seemed that talking would somehow be disrespectful…

I stole a glance at her again… the breeze was picking up strands of her long black hair so that they billowed out behind her… her lips glistened in the moonlight… I fought the urge to hold her…

Suddenly… she spoke…

“Do you know why I came to see you?”

I was afraid… I didn’t want to know the answer…

“No”

She gave me another adorable admonishing look…

“Liar”

She was right… I knew… I couldn’t meet her eyes… I didn’t dare… they could always see right through me… to the core of my being…

She started to speak again…

“This is the place where we first met…. Isn’t it?

“Yes.”

“I remember you called me “strange” that time…”

I must have blushed… because she laughed… just like always…

“You’re blushing!”

“It’s because you brought up that old memory…”

She was still laughing… I couldn’t take it anymore… I grabbed her shoulders… I was about to pull her into an embrace… Then… I saw her face…

She was actually crying…

I struggled to find the words to ask her what the matter was… but… when I tried to speak… my lips refused to move…

She had already wiped her tears… she looked into my eyes and gave me a watery smile…

“It’s okay…”

I wanted to scream “It’s not okay!” but it was as if my power of speech had been sealed…

The sky was starting to lighten… she continued…

“I need to go now…”

In my mind… I was screaming with all my heart…begging… pleading…“No!!… Don’t go!!… Not… again…”

I was paralyzed… she drew away from me… and I could do nothing but watch…

As she slipped from my grasp…. I was released from the spell… I lunged forward and grabbed her wrist…

She struggled…. Straining away from me…

“Don’t go… please…” I pleaded…

She stopped struggling… but did not turn to face me…

“I must…”

I moved closer…

“I won’t let you go…. Not this time…”

She turned… tears welled up in those beautiful black eyes…

“I wish I had listened to you on that day…”

The memory flooded back into my mind…

4 years ago… at this very spot… she had smiled and said…

“Its only for a month… I will be back before you know it… and after all… we have our whole lives ahead of us…. Right?”

But she never returned to me… she was taken from me… by a cruel trick of fate…

I banished the memories from my mind…

“Then listen to me now…”

Another watery smile…

“You know I can’t…”

The sun had started to rise… she gently pulled her hand free….

It was happening again…. I fell into an all too familiar pit of despair… I grabbed her wrist again… tighter this time…

“No…. no…. this can’t be happening….. you can’t be leaving me again!!” I yelled…

I was losing all control…. Then… I felt her hand on my cheek…

“It’s okay… you will be okay…”

She moved closer and hugged me… I buried my head in her chest and wept…

She gently eased my head off her chest and looked into my eyes…

“You will be fine… I know it…

“How?”

She smiled… really smiled… more radiant than the rising sun…

“…because you promised me…”

I wept… she stroked my head… just like she used to… when she wanted me to do something…

“I want you to promise me…”

I whispered…

“Anything you want… Anything…”

She leaned forward and kissed me…

“Promise me…That you’ll take good care of her… like you did for me…”

I whispered

“I promise…”

and then she vanished….

I fell to my knees… I was left there… holding a handful of sand…

The harder I tried to hold onto it… the faster it slipped from between my fingers...

I felt something in my fist… I opened it… and saw the bracelet I had given her the last time we had met…

I closed my eyes and clutched it to my chest…

When I opened them… I was back in my bed… the bracelet was gone… and my pillow was wet…

A figure stirred next to me…

Kris…

I stroked her brown hair… she smiled… and opened her eyes…

Never again…

That feeling of desperately trying to hold onto something precious… only to have it slip away… like a handful of sand….

I never want to feel that again…

She hugged me and said….

“Its okay…”

END

P.S. After I wrote that story... I made up another ending... one where the woman with the bracelet had somehow ended up with someone else... and that "we" were still very much in love... but she made "me" choose Kris... then I made one where "I" managed to convince her to elope with "me"... but I figured... It would be best to go with the very first one... those of you who know me would probably understand why....